Kink Glossary A–Z: Terms and Meanings Explained

By the Kinky Beds teamPublished 2 October 20264 min read

New words can make anything feel more intimidating than it is. This A–Z covers the terms you're most likely to come across when reading about restraints and power exchange, explained plainly. Different communities use some words slightly differently, so when in doubt, ask your partner what a term means to them.

A–D

Aftercare. The care partners give each other after a scene: water, warmth, reassurance, closeness or space. See our aftercare guide.

Anchor point. A fixed, strong point that a restraint attaches to, such as a ring built into a bed frame.

BDSM. An umbrella term covering bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. See what is BDSM?.

Bondage. Restricting movement for pleasure, from a silk scarf to cuffs or rope.

Check-in. A quick question during a scene, such as "What colour are you?", to make sure everyone is still happy.

Consent. A clear, informed, freely given and ongoing agreement. It can be withdrawn at any time. See consent and safe words.

Cuffs. Bands that go around the wrists or ankles, usually padded and fastened with buckles, clips or hook-and-loop.

Dom / Dominant. The partner who takes control in a scene, by agreement.

Drop. A dip in mood some people feel after an intense experience, sometimes a day later.

E–L

Edge. In everyday kink language, the limit of someone's comfort zone. Approached slowly, by agreement.

Flogger. A handle with many soft tails, used for light, rhythmic sensation.

Hard limit. Something a person will never do. Not negotiable. See hard and soft limits.

Kink. Any interest outside what someone considers conventional ("vanilla"), from a blindfold to elaborate role play.

Limits. The boundaries each partner sets before play: hard limits (never) and soft limits (maybe, carefully).

M–R

Negotiation. The conversation before a scene: what you'll do, what you won't, the safe word and aftercare.

Non-verbal signal. A way to stop a scene without speaking, such as dropping a held object.

Power exchange. An agreed shift in control between partners, for a scene or longer. See power exchange basics.

RACK. "Risk-aware consensual kink": the idea that partners understand and accept the risks of what they choose.

Restraint. Anything that limits movement: cuffs, ties, straps, rope or restraint points on a bed.

Role play. Taking on characters or roles together, by agreement.

Rope bondage. Restraint using rope. Includes decorative Japanese-inspired styles often called shibari.

S

Safe word. A pre-agreed word that always means stop. Many couples use the traffic lights green, yellow and red.

Safety shears. Blunt-tipped scissors designed to cut through straps or rope quickly. Keep them within reach.

Scene. A planned session of play, with a beginning, middle and end (aftercare).

Sensation play. Exploring the senses with textures, temperature or a blindfold. See sensory play for couples.

Soft limit. Something a person might try under certain conditions, carefully, or isn't sure about yet.

SSC. "Safe, sane and consensual": an older motto for responsible kink.

Sub / Submissive. The partner who hands over control in a scene, by agreement.

Switch. Someone who enjoys both taking and handing over control.

T–Z

Tether. A strap or connector that links a cuff to an anchor point.

Topping / Bottoming. Doing the action (top) or receiving it (bottom) in a scene. Not always the same as Dom and sub.

Traffic lights. The common safe-word system: green (good), yellow (slow down), red (stop).

Two-finger rule. Two fingers should slide between any cuff and the skin.

Under-mattress restraints. A strap system that runs under the mattress with cuffs at the corners. Compared in under-mattress straps vs a restraint bed.

Vanilla. Conventional intimacy without kink. Not a criticism: most people enjoy both.

Yes, no, maybe list. A checklist each partner fills in to find shared interests. Try our private yes, no, maybe list.

Frequently asked questions

What does vanilla mean?

Vanilla describes conventional intimacy without kink elements. It isn't a criticism; many people enjoy both.

What is the difference between a hard limit and a soft limit?

A hard limit is something a person will never do. A soft limit is something they might try carefully under certain conditions, or aren't sure about yet.

What does switch mean?

A switch is someone who enjoys both taking control and handing it over, depending on the mood or the partner.

This guide is general information for adults, not medical or legal advice. If anything feels wrong during or after restraint play (lasting numbness, pain or anxiety), stop and seek medical advice. Questions about The Sovereign Bed: support@kinkybeds.com.